Chuck Lorre's latest vanity card knocks erratic, junkie performer

Chuck Lorre’s latest vanity card slams an actor as an erratic junkie on his sitcom set who was “impossible to work with.” And the performer was… a monkey?

This just aired after The Big Bang Theory on the East Coast. You be the judge:

Dear Concerned Viewers,

Thanks to the magic of computer graphics, the monkey in tonight’s episode was not actually smoking a cigarette, nor was he ever exposed to secondhand smoke. At all times, every effort was made to make the monkey feel happy and safe. Nevertheless, he proved impossible to work with. During the week of production his behavior became increasingly erratic, to the point of refusing to come out of his trailer to rehearse. It wasn’t until after we finished filming his scenes that we learned why. The monkey is a heroin addict. Yes, hard as it may be to believe, the monkey had a monkey on his back. Thankfully, an intervention was staged by the Geico lizard and he is now going through detox and a twelve step program at the Bonzo Center in Palm Springs. Everyone at The Big Bang Theory wishes him well.

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  • Entertainment2u-Twitter

    typo alert: “work” with — not “worth” with

    • Jess

      DEAR EW,
      Stop shilling for Chuck Lorre.

      • Ian

        Then why the hell would you click to read the story???

    • Nancy

      what do you mean you didn’t know? you knew the whole time what this guy you hired was like..

  • cbnu

    oh-oh, this is going to get ugly(er)….

    • tom

      Chuck is really really losing points now

      • JAM

        here’s a new show Idea, Two Twits Share Half a Brain. egotistical meatheads the both of them

      • Luca

        I have to agree. Chuck is NOT helping himself with these antics. It makes him seem almost as petty and rude as the person he is slamming.

      • Yellow

        but that’s a normal everyday kind of thing for Chuck though

  • Cris

    Anyone else just wish this guy would go away already?

    • Simon Jester

      Hell no… I’m relieved this is the guy who’s STAYING!

    • Larry

      Yes, I wish Lorre would go away and take his sh!tty shows with him.

      • Tim

        I need something to play on my tv in a monotonous way to drive out the insects from my living room

    • MrNiceGuy

      Not nearly as much as I wish Sheen would go away.

  • Entertainment2u-Twitter

    typo fixed. carry on.

  • j1212p

    Not a big Sheen fan, but this guy Lorre seems like the ultimate d-bag. Someone should take him to task for the garbage tv he helps create.

    • Jason

      On the other hand, he created Big Bang Theory…

      • mondo182

        Sounds like the same hand to me…

      • bob

        more theory less bang

    • tom

      big bang theory? what the hell does that even mean? was that supposed to be funny? this cryptic sounding crazy man that hired sheen in the first place is just as responsible for this mess

      • JMB in FL

        Ummm, The Big Bang Theory is a show on CBS, Thursdays, 8:00, created by Chuck Lorre. So, no, I don’t believe the comment was “supposed to be funny.” But you hang in there, sunshine.

      • Catca

        What do you mean by what the hell does the Big Bang Theory mean? Are you not smarter than a 5th grader? They know what the Big Bang Theory means – i.e. scientific theory for creation of the universe that conveniently serves nicely as a double entendre on a comedy show about geeky scientists and hot girl next door. Seriously, did you even go to school?

  • RoeLuv

    I’m starting to side w/ Sheen on how big of a A-hole this Chuck is

    • Caitlin

      I think it’s clear that both Sheen and Lorre are A-holes.

      • robin

        i don’t think sheen is an angel.. I think chuck knew what sheen was the whole time only so far as it made him wealthy nothing else really matters.

  • Reality Check

    The New 2 1/2 men won’t last 12 episodes

  • luvlucy

    You guys are crazy!!! Lorre is the best. If you like Two and Half Men, then you are liking the writings of Chuck Lorre. He is the reason why the show was successful, not the acting (or lake of) of Charlie Sheen. His vanity cards are top notch and worth pausing to read, even though he would rather us not read them (as per his interviews).

    • j1212p

      (or lake of). It’s “lack thereof”, Einstein. Takes a quality writer to know one I guess.

      p.s.- 2 1/2 men is mindless drivel

      • jc

        and everyone loves a grammar nazi, too…douche

      • Bill

        If you’re going to be a grammar nazi, at least be correct. The comma goes INSIDE the quotation mark!

    • j1212p

      1) I only correct grammar when it’s abhorrent.

      2) I only correct grammar when the premise of the comment has to do with quality writing.

      3) Using a “nazi” reference to support “lake of” is pathetic on multiple levels, but mainly for its poor taste.

      • pot meet kettle

        The “premise” WAS the quality of the writing, and thus had everything to do with “quality writing”. The SUBSTANCE and FORM did not support the premise. Be careful, when you get judgy, people start nitpicking your work, as well.This is, not Brown Univ. Lighten up.

      • zee

        You’re pathetic j1, learn how to use a comma before lambasting others for their mistakes.

    • Dorimifah Solatido

      BS, the guy’s a self-hating Jew. Sheen is a moron, but Lorre is an a-hole. Six of one, a half dozen of the other.

      • Steve

        Why is Sheen a moron? Why is Lorre a self hating Jew? Lorre writes funny TV shows, and Sheen is a funny and talented actor. Instead of name calling, state facts. It just makes you look stupid to call people names for no reason. I could call you a “moron” but without explaining why I felt that way, it would fall flat and I’d look dumb. Try elaborating next time, dumbass.

      • bob

        if this was a doughnut shop you guys would be out of business.. guess what? you are! ha ha ha ha ha

  • Bill

    You know, if a certain actor was afro-american, the cries of racism would be deafening…

    • olivia

      First of all, you’re the first person in 30 years to use the term “afro-american.” Second, remember a guy named Isaiah Washington, also a major star on a top network hit? He lost his job for less than Sheen’s antics, and hasn’t much been seen since. Though I suspect IW will do more going forward than Charlie Sheen. Chuck Lorre will do more than either.

      And for the record, to me this sounds like Lorre riffing on the controversy rather than riffing on Sheen specifically.

    • SoyBombGuy

      You know, if a certain comment-poster (who rhymes with “shill”…as in shill for those who miss the past era where whites and only whites had all the power)didn’t have his head somehow both simultaneously buried so far in the sand that even ostriches are amazed AND also have it so far up the a$$e$ of the right wing igroramus brigade, the cries of vile, bigoted nonsense would be deafening.

      • Steve

        When white males had power, America was considered a superpower. It was white men that freed the slaves, white men who let the blacks vote. So, I’m pretty sure the blacks should be longing for those days. After all, what have the afro-Americans actually done for America? Gave us hip-hop? Gee, thanks for that.

      • Steve

        Even better question… What have Democrats ever done for you? The Civil Rights movement was nice back in the day, but its antiquated. Clinton lied, stole, sold secrets and raped a woman while President. Carter? Nothing. No liberal is worth a damn. Obama is a terrorist, systematically bankrupting our country. You’re too involved with his Oprah taping to notice. That is why you NEED the Conservatives to look out for your best interests. You’re too stupid to do it for yourself. Now grow up, move out of your parents house, get a job and start paying taxes.

      • olivia

        Troll harder, Steve. Someone might listen.

      • Steve

        Facts are facts, Olivia.

      • Shamus N.

        The fact is that you’re a moron. Go back to Germany circa 1939.

      • Steve

        Germany 1939? When the Socialists ruled. See, that’s what you liberals have done to our country. Hitler began taking control of the banks and car companies (sound familiar?). As a matter of fact, Hitler was/is a better role model than any Democrat. See, he had a mental issue, and his generals exploited that to expand his agenda to genocide. But Clinton and Obama take full responsibility to what they have done to this country. Obama is an economic terrorist, and instead of providing an argument contrary to mine, you immediately go to name calling. That’s the liberal way. Scream, shout, and offend when you’re wrong (which is always). Thanks, Shamus, for proving yet another stereo-type. Get a job. Pay some taxes. I promise, you’ll think differently when you grow up into a big boy.

      • Dorimifah Solatido

        You’re a jerk, Steve, just face it. And I voted for Reagan and Bush.

      • Steve

        How am I wrong? Or are you only able to call people names. You’re not fooling anyone. We know you’re a Dem. And I’m sure you voted for Obama, so you obviously aren’t intelligent. Trust me. We don’t need you.

      • Bill

        I am just pointing out a double standard, you know where people are treated differently because of their race. I seem to recall posters all over the place comparing a President (GW Bush) to a primate (a chimp) and this being fair game. More recently the same thing happened. Now apparently its racist…

      • Shamus N.

        Hitler was a better role model than the Democrats? So do you support the Holocaust or do you think it’s just a liberal myth? And by the way, Hitler was a fascist, not a socialist. And you call other people stupid? And what does your racist diatribe have to do with the subject of this post anyways. The heroin smoking monkey is obviously a better person than you.

  • allie

    ok, so I watched the episode and paused the dvr to read the vanity card an hour ago and I never thought this was about sheen…. did you watch the episode? did you SEE the monkey? I feel like you people are just looking for a witch hunt.

    • Kristin

      Completely agree with you I never even thought of Sheen. Def think people are reading a lil to much into his vanity cards at this point.

      • Dorimifah Solatido

        C’mon, drug addicted, erratic, refusing to rehearse? Of COURSE it’s a shot at Sheen, covered up enough to avoid a defamation suit.

      • bob

        why would you hire someone you knew was like that in the first place? ask yourselves that question

      • wiseguy

        This was just Chuck Lorre’s veiled attempt to get back at Charlie Sheen for all the nasty tweets Charlie made against Chuck. It’s just tit for tat. Hope this doesn’t spiral out of control. (eye roll)

    • Gator

      I didnt watch the show, never have actually. But when reading this the first thing that came to my mind was the story out not long ago about the monkey from The Hangover 2. Didn’t somebody from the movie joke about how the monkey got addicted and PETA jumped all over them?? I would have never thought about Sheen with this one, just The Hangover 2.

    • Kat

      Agreed. My first thought when I saw the monkey was “How awful!” before I realized that obviously it was fake. (Though I still don’t find the idea of monkeys smoking funny, or monkeys on TV/in movies appealing…I studied primatology too long to like seeing monkeys and apes used for cheap laughs.) It’s just a joke about people who are as gullible as I am. I really think people are grasping at straws to assume this is about Charlie Sheen; I read it as a joke about people (for instance, as Gator said, PETA) who will get all offended because they think the TV show gave the monkey an addiction to cigarettes.

      • Sal

        Bit it is OK to use humans for cheap laughs… oh, human’s are monkeys!

  • Alex

    Oh Chuck Lorre, the vanity cards are really getting you in trouble…

  • cruzceleste

    I love his vanity card… they are actually really funny…

    • bob

      really??? it must be some kind of inside joke or whatever.. Lame

  • Jenn

    Wish Lorre would man up and tell Sheen he’s an idiotic narcissitic fool instead of hiding it in ‘nerdcode’ on the Vanity cards. It makes him sound like some 8th grade emo kid blogging about how the bully beat him up on the playground.

  • Heidi

    Ditto, Jen!!!!

    Lore needs to move on & do what he wants to do & stop with this for ‘alledgly’ he’s the professional in this mess…. Or is he?

    • Tim

      I think Chucks kids got access to his vanity cards.. ha ha ha

  • Sue1

    OMFG. There was a monkey on the show. The monkey supposedly smoked. The monkey reference had NOTHING to do with Charlie Sheen, and I’m sure EW knows that. Just stirring the pot…aren’t there enough Glee or Lost stories this week?

    • Max

      Sue1, Lost has been over for a year.

      • Sue1

        Sarcasm is “lost” on you.

    • Aften

      He doesn’t make clear who the monkey is. After all, Charlie Sheen DOES smoke so 2nd hand smoke is of no concern to him!

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