'Parks and Recreation': A celebration of every ill-fated exploit of Jerry Gergich

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Season 1, Episode 2: “Canvassing”

i. Leslie eats Country Honeysuckle.

LESLIE: Ugh. Oh, that’s bitter.

JERRY: Leslie, you don’t eat it.

LESLIE: Ugh, why did you let me eat that?

JERRY: I never told you to eat that.

LESLIE: Oh, God.

JERRY: Leslie, the animals know you don’t eat the Country Honeysuckle.

LESLIE: I’m not an animal! My tongue is swelling up.

Season 1, Episode 4: “Boys Club”

 i. He mentions that Leslie wrote him up for making personal calls to his mother.

JERRY: Last year you wrote me up for making personal calls to my mom.

LESLIE: Yes I did, and I would do it again. Two wrongs do not make a right.

JERRY: Yes, but she was in the hospital.

Season 2, Episode 3:  “Beauty Pageant”

i. Leslie got drunk and ordered flowers for the whole staff.

LESLIE:  I ordered a beautiful bouquet of daffodils from a website. After a few glasses of wine. So Tom, I think you might be getting some daffodils too. Donna, you’re definitely getting some. Jerry – I don’t know, I’m not sure. Time will tell.

Season 2, Episode 4: “Practice Date”

i.  Tom forces Jerry to play a game to dig up each other’s dirt.

JERRY: I’m out.

TOM: Not an option, Jerry. You’re going down.

JERRY: No seriously, I really don’t want to play.

TOM: No, no seriously, you are playing. We’re gonna nail you.

ii. Dave (Louis C.K.) reveals Jerry has had some run-ins with the law. 

LESLIE: Hey, guys. What are you guys doing?

APRIL: Trying to see who has the least amount of dirt on them — in case someone wants to run for office.

DAVE: Oh, well it ain’t Jerry, that’s for sure. He’s got a couple of 359’s on him. Public urination.

JERRY: I don’t like this game. I just don’t like it. (leaves room)

DAVE: He’s probably gonna go anger pee in the courtyard.

iii. Jerry finds out he is adopted.

JERRY: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket.

MARK: Well that’s funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.

JERRY: What?

MARK: You didn’t know that, huh?

JERRY: I didn’t know I was adopted.

iv. Tom reveals that Jerry got plastic surgery.

TOM: Jerry! Plastic surgery?

JERRY: I got hit by a fire engine.

v. April makes fun of Jerry for having no friends.

DONNA: You guys will never believe what I just found on Jerry’s Facebook.

APRIL: A friend. Buuuuuuuuurn.

Season 2, Episode 5: “Sister City”

i. Leslie debates whether to keep money donated from the Venezuelans.

LESLIE: Fine, we’ll keep the money, okay? Everybody happy? Jerry, you happy?

JERRY: What did I do?

LESLIE: Meeting adjourned, Jerry.

ii.  April, flirting with Johnny, tells Jerry to go away.

JOHNNY: In Venezuela, government internships are coveted positions. You must be very well connected.

APRIL: Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many.

JERRY: Hey, April. Could you help me out…

APRIL: Go away, Jerry!

JERRY: Okay…

APRIL: (back to Johnny) See?

Season 2, Episode 6: “Kaboom

i.  He uses permanent marker on the dry-erase board.

LESLIE: Jerry, did you use permanent marker again?

JERRY: I’m sorry, guys. I just grabbed it…

LESLIE: Okay, just forget it! Let’s all pretend Jerry wasn’t born! And this is clean.

Season 2, Episode 7: “Greg Pikitis”

i.   He upsets Ann by telling Tom about her party.

ii.  He walks into the cobweb decorations.

Season 2, Episode 9: “The Camel”

i.  He calls his mural a “Murinal.”  Leslie disqualifies his impressive piece of art.

LESLIE: Wow, really good Jerry.

JERRY: For my murinal, I was inspired by the death of my grandma.

TOM: (laughs) You said murinal.

JERRY: No, I didn’t.

ANN: Yes you did. You said murinal, I heard it.

APRIL: Jerry, why don’t you put that murinal in the mens’ room so people can murinate all over it?

TOM: Jerry, go to the doctor, you may have a murinary tract infection.

JERRY: I just wanted to show you my art….

LESLIE: Disqualified!

JERRY: It’s pointalism. And each dot is a photo of a citizen of the town.

TOM: No one cares. At all.

NEXT PAGE: “It was just farts.”

Comments (20 total) Add your comment
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  • Carly

    This is awesome. I love moments between April and Jerry. I think it would be fun if Jerry has a hot 20-something daughter, and Tom struggles with liking her, but hating Jerry.

    • Rex_r

      He does have a daughter, Chris (Rob Lowe) dated her for a while.

  • Bri

    This is hilarious! I laughed out loud multiple times while reading this. I can’t wait for tonight’s new episode!

  • whirlybug

    I love Parks & Rec and will be watching tonight, but I disagree with Dan S. that those jokes on Jerry are not mean-spirited. They always make me feel sad for him because the other characters seem to do it for absolutely no reason. Maybe that’s what’s supposed to be funny about it, but it’s the one part of the show’s humor I don’t really like.

    • Teressa Caballero

      You sound like you’re the real world version of Jerry

  • MJ

    This is awesome!
    I love all the Jerry jokes.

  • becca

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  • chris perez

    Jerry has the biggest penis a doctor has ever seen

    • Mark

      When the doctor said that, I laughed and wanted to give Jerry a high five at the same time.

      • EK

        Yes, that was seriously awesome!

  • sascha

    I love Jerry!! I love P + R!!!

  • The Truth

    Like P&R, hate the “hating on Jerry” gimmick. It’s so Family Guy (Meg) and a little Office (Toby) . Been there, seen that.

    • ries

      oh, c’mon. if you are looking for originality, then why are you watching a sit-com? the jerry jokes are waaaay better executed than both of those shows.

      • jake

        Agreed! While the premise is unorginal the execution is perfect.

  • E

    I think the Jerry-jokes work because they are balanced with revelations about Jerry’s personal life, which are always positive. He’s an amazing artist, he’s been happily married for 20-some years, and he has a huge penis. So what if he gets some crap at work? It’s not enough to make you pity him, and that’s why it works.

  • Ruben

    I love the Jerry jokes, his reactions are priceless! But they forgot one from The Flu. After they quarantine Leslie to her office…

    JERRY: You can’t come in here. Leslie, you look tired and you’re all sweaty.

    LESLIE: YOU look tired and YOU’RE all sweaty all the time, what’s your excuse? You wanna go there Jerry?

    JERRY: No.

  • christie

    Parks & Rec is one of the few shows that has an entire cast where I love something about each and every character on the show and get a laugh or a chuckle from nearly everyone each show. But, Donna (and her unholy love for her Mercedes and Jerry’s suffering and hidden talents are gems of the show.

  • Swarmer Termites

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  • Cat Photos

    I appreciate everything you people are doing. Such imaginative efforts and writing! Keep up all the excellent work guys. I have inserted you to my own blogroll. I really believe it is going to raise the value of my place. Thank you very much for sharing.

  • jean

    Wasn’t it revealed during Leslie’s disciplinary hearing the Jerry’s real name is Gerry? I think it was on his ID badge from when he first started at the Parks Dept. It was mispronounced once and he never corrected it

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