Season 1, Episode 2: “Canvassing”
i. Leslie eats Country Honeysuckle.
LESLIE: Ugh. Oh, that’s bitter.
JERRY: Leslie, you don’t eat it.
LESLIE: Ugh, why did you let me eat that?
JERRY: I never told you to eat that.
LESLIE: Oh, God.
JERRY: Leslie, the animals know you don’t eat the Country Honeysuckle.
LESLIE: I’m not an animal! My tongue is swelling up.
Season 1, Episode 4: “Boys Club”
i. He mentions that Leslie wrote him up for making personal calls to his mother.
JERRY: Last year you wrote me up for making personal calls to my mom.
LESLIE: Yes I did, and I would do it again. Two wrongs do not make a right.
JERRY: Yes, but she was in the hospital.
Season 2, Episode 3: “Beauty Pageant”
i. Leslie got drunk and ordered flowers for the whole staff.
LESLIE: I ordered a beautiful bouquet of daffodils from a website. After a few glasses of wine. So Tom, I think you might be getting some daffodils too. Donna, you’re definitely getting some. Jerry – I don’t know, I’m not sure. Time will tell.
Season 2, Episode 4: “Practice Date”
i. Tom forces Jerry to play a game to dig up each other’s dirt.
JERRY: I’m out.
TOM: Not an option, Jerry. You’re going down.
JERRY: No seriously, I really don’t want to play.
TOM: No, no seriously, you are playing. We’re gonna nail you.
ii. Dave (Louis C.K.) reveals Jerry has had some run-ins with the law.
LESLIE: Hey, guys. What are you guys doing?
APRIL: Trying to see who has the least amount of dirt on them — in case someone wants to run for office.
DAVE: Oh, well it ain’t Jerry, that’s for sure. He’s got a couple of 359’s on him. Public urination.
JERRY: I don’t like this game. I just don’t like it. (leaves room)
DAVE: He’s probably gonna go anger pee in the courtyard.
iii. Jerry finds out he is adopted.
JERRY: Hey, Mark. A little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket.
MARK: Well that’s funny because a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
MARK: You didn’t know that, huh?
JERRY: I didn’t know I was adopted.
iv. Tom reveals that Jerry got plastic surgery.
TOM: Jerry! Plastic surgery?
JERRY: I got hit by a fire engine.
v. April makes fun of Jerry for having no friends.
DONNA: You guys will never believe what I just found on Jerry’s Facebook.
APRIL: A friend. Buuuuuuuuurn.
Season 2, Episode 5: “Sister City”
i. Leslie debates whether to keep money donated from the Venezuelans.
LESLIE: Fine, we’ll keep the money, okay? Everybody happy? Jerry, you happy?
JERRY: What did I do?
LESLIE: Meeting adjourned, Jerry.
ii. April, flirting with Johnny, tells Jerry to go away.
JOHNNY: In Venezuela, government internships are coveted positions. You must be very well connected.
APRIL: Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many.
JERRY: Hey, April. Could you help me out…
APRIL: Go away, Jerry!
APRIL: (back to Johnny) See?
Season 2, Episode 6: “Kaboom
i. He uses permanent marker on the dry-erase board.
LESLIE: Jerry, did you use permanent marker again?
JERRY: I’m sorry, guys. I just grabbed it…
LESLIE: Okay, just forget it! Let’s all pretend Jerry wasn’t born! And this is clean.
Season 2, Episode 7: “Greg Pikitis”
i. He upsets Ann by telling Tom about her party.
ii. He walks into the cobweb decorations.
Season 2, Episode 9: “The Camel”
i. He calls his mural a “Murinal.” Leslie disqualifies his impressive piece of art.
LESLIE: Wow, really good Jerry.
JERRY: For my murinal, I was inspired by the death of my grandma.
TOM: (laughs) You said murinal.
JERRY: No, I didn’t.
ANN: Yes you did. You said murinal, I heard it.
APRIL: Jerry, why don’t you put that murinal in the mens’ room so people can murinate all over it?
TOM: Jerry, go to the doctor, you may have a murinary tract infection.
JERRY: I just wanted to show you my art….
JERRY: It’s pointalism. And each dot is a photo of a citizen of the town.
TOM: No one cares. At all.