Season 2, Episode 19: “Park Safety”
i. Everyone rigs the lottery (nobody puts their names in) so that Jerry has to refill the hummingbird feeders.
LESLIE: I always write my own name… But, just to be safe I do add twenty extra “Jerry’s.”
ii. Everyone makes fun of Jerry for not being in the office.
DONNA: Maybe he fell into the toilet. Remember when he fell into the toilet?
APRIL (imitating Jerry): “Oh sorry, you guys, sorry I’m late. I got confused and took a shower AFTER I got dressed. Because I’m Jerry.”
RON: “David Meyers, the Jewish guy who works at city hall, once told me something. A “schlemiel” is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A “schlimazel” is the guy he spills it on. Jerry… is both the schlemiel and schlimazel.”
TOM (imitating Jerry): “And then I put my underwear on my head, instead of my butt!”
iii. Jerry gets mugged (or claims he did).
APRIL: That’s how pathetic Jerry is. He can’t even get karma right.
LESLIE: Jerry’s face is the symbol of failure.
iv.In attempting to give a presentation to the staff, Jerry trips over the power cord, accidentally puts his vacation pictures in the slide projector (revealing that he has a time share in Muncie with his wife), says “twout” instead of “trout” (and then explains “My marbles are full of mouth today”), and then bends down to find his glasses, splits his pants, and farts.
v. It is revealed that Jerry lied about being mugged. He dropped his burrito in the pond and tried to grab it, and awkwardly fell in, hurting himself.
LESLIE (to camera): Damn Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What would you do for a Klondike bar – kill your wife?
vi. The tape of Jerry falling into the creek is shown. When he fell, he was also farting. After retrieving the burrito, he continued to eat it.
vii. Jerry spills a peppermint latte all over himself.
APRIL: You should just directly apply the food to your clothes.
LESLIE: Yay! Making fun of Jerry is back!
Season 2, Episode 20: “Summer Catalog”
i. Jerry submits a picture of Morgan the pedophile and reveals they had dinner together.
JERRY: I will photoshop his face.
APRIL: Can you photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?
Season 2, Episode 21: “94 Meetings”
i. Saddled with hundreds of meetings, Ron is enlisting everyone to help.
RON: I need anyone with a pulse and a brain to chip in.
JERRY: Ron, do you need help with anything?
RON: No, we’re good, thanks. In fact, you can head home early.
Season 2, Episode 22: “Telethon”
i. Leslie says she’ll need everyone’s help for the late night telethon.
JERRY: No. Leslie, please. Tonight’s kind of a big night. You know. All my kids are away.
TOM: Gross! No! It’s Jerry’s sex night. That ruins sex and tonight.
ii. Jerry’s phone has twenty-five lines; everyone else only has to deal with one.
LESLIE: Congratulations, then. You get the most lines. Figure it out, Jerry.
iii. Jerry does an amazing magic trick, taking an egg out of his mouth. And Leslie breaks the egg, thinking it’s fake. Then, she wants him to do it again, but he doesn’t have a second egg. He starts to say that he plays the piano really well…
LESLIE: Why are you wasting my time?! This is really serious.
iv. Jerry plays the piano beautifully during the telethon.
LESLIE (interrupting): Okay, all right. Okay. Enough of that racket.
Season 2, Episode 24: “Freddy Spaghetti”
i. Leslie asks Jerry if he can lift heavy objects.
JERRY: Ooh. My doctor just said I should avoid…
LESLIE: Being a wuss? Yes. I agree. So go out there and get the equipment out of the truck.
Season 3, Episode 1: “Go Big Or Go Home”
i. Leslie throws Jerry’s painting into the lake.
ii. Leslie storms in and throws Jerry’s coffee in the trash.
iii. Leslie embarrasses Jerry in front of the staff.
LESLIE: My plan is going to change that and bring the budget back. And the answer has been right in front of us the whole time.
APRIL: Ew, check your testicles?
LESLIE: No, not that. Although that is very good advice. I’m looking at you, Jerry.
Season 3, Episode 2: “Flu Season”
i. A sick Leslie licks everything on Jerry’s desk.
Season 3, Episode 3: “Time Capsule”
i. Leslie asks people what they want to put in the time capsule.
JERRY: These are my mother’s diaries. She lived in Pawnee all of her life, and recorded everything she ever did. So it’s kind of like a living document about the town.
TOM: A disappointingly good idea from Jerry.
ii. April reads Jerry’s mom’s journal.
APRIL: “Jerrald starred in his school production of Peter Pan. He was a beautiful Tinkerbell.”
JERRY: It was an all boy’s school…
iii. Jerry screws up the video recording of the meeting, leaving a blank gap in the middle of it.
Season 3, Episode 6: “Indianapolis”
i. Tom extends an invitation to the Snakehole for the Feinstein event.
TOM: Club opens at six. Event starts at nine.
JERRY: No, way too late. I will be deep into my bath by then.
LESLIE: Jerry, god, don’t let us picture that.