'Parks and Recreation': A celebration of every ill-fated exploit of Jerry Gergich

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Season 3, Episode 7: “Harvest Festival”

i. Jerry and Li’l Sebastian are on the same diabetes medication.

ii. Tom repeatedly blames him for losing Sebastian, even though it was Tom’s fault.

JERRY: Hey, Tom, where’s Li’l Sebastian?

TOM: Somebody left the gate open and he got out, Jerry! (to Leslie)  It’s Li’l Sebastian. He’s gone. Jerry let him escape and we don’t know where he is!

iii. When the power goes out, they all blame Jerry for the Ferris Wheel stopping.

RON: All of you be quiet. Andy, she’s mad because you said “awesome sauce” instead of “I love you too.” April, he loves you. Stop being a child. Tom, you’re clearly at fault here. Blaming Jerry won’t save you. Jerry, we both know you were shotgunning funnel cakes instead of watching Li’l Sebastian. So everyone apologize to everyone else.

iv. Jerry farts on the Ferris Wheel.

JERRY: I’m very upset. I get nervous.

v. Jerry gets lost in the corn maze.

Season 3, Episode 8: “Camping”

i.  Tom asks what Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, and Drake have in common.

JERRY: I know this one — they are all rappists.

TOM: They’re rappers, Jerry!

ii. Jerry is fishing with Ron.

JERRY: My daughter might think she’s old enough to be sexually active with her boyfriend, but I’m sorry — 16… that just seems to young to be on birth control.  You know, I was 24 when Gayle took my virginity…. You know what I should do? I should lead a teen abstinence workshop.

RON: That might be incredibly effective.

iii. Ron blames Jerry for their lack of food.

RON: We have nothing to eat. Jerry scared all the fish away with his loud personal stories!

iv. Jerry is sitting, petting a cat and enjoying listening to Elsa Clack play the organ as Ben tries to escape.

Season 3, Episode 9: “Fancy Party”

i.  April struggles to give Jerry an invite to her dinner party.

ii. Jerry comes to the party in the new “Party Shirt” that Gayle bought for him.

TOM: You know what, I make fun of you a lot, but credit where credit is due.  I like how the– (laughs hysterically) Dammit, I was so close! It’s a terrible shirt!

iii. Andy asks everybody to be his best man, and when he gets to Jerry….

ANDY: So glad you made it, this shirt is hilarious.

Season 3, Episode 11: “Jerry’s Painting”

i.  Jerry paints a stunning painting of a topless female Centaur, the Greek goddess Dyaphena, and the woman looks like Leslie.

TOM: That’s what you see when you close your eyes at night, Jerry! Topless Leslie, glued to a horse!

ii. Also, the cherub in the painting resembles Tom.

TOM: What the hell, Jerry! Look at my potbelly, I look like a pregnant baby!

TOM: In one brushstroke, Jerry has killed the Jay-Z vibe that’s taken me years to cultivate, and replaced it with a fat brown baby vibe. Which is not as cool of a vibe.

iii. Jerry asks if he should attend the meeting with Chris.

LESLIE: This isn’t about you, Jerry.

JERRY (sadly): It’s my painting.

iv.  Jerry thanks Leslie for defending his beautiful painting.

LESLIE: Stand down, Jerry. This isn’t your fight.

v. When Tom tries to hit on Brandi Maxxxx, the porn star, she recognizes him as the “fat baby” from the painting.  Tom shakes his head and says:  “Dammit, Jerry…”

vi. Jerry makes the point to Leslie that surrendering the painting seems like something he would do.

vii. Tom loves the new painting Jerry did, depicting him as the Centaur. But then Andy asks where the penis is.

APRIL: Yeah, where’s your Penis?

TOM: Dammit, Jerry!

viii. Leslie and Tom speak to Gayle to reassure her that nothing is going on.

TOM: “I promise you, hun, Jerry only has eyes for you…and pound cake, am I right?!?”

NEXT PAGE: “Nobody wants you to read a poem.”

Comments (20 total) Add your comment
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  • Carly

    This is awesome. I love moments between April and Jerry. I think it would be fun if Jerry has a hot 20-something daughter, and Tom struggles with liking her, but hating Jerry.

    • Rex_r

      He does have a daughter, Chris (Rob Lowe) dated her for a while.

  • Bri

    This is hilarious! I laughed out loud multiple times while reading this. I can’t wait for tonight’s new episode!

  • whirlybug

    I love Parks & Rec and will be watching tonight, but I disagree with Dan S. that those jokes on Jerry are not mean-spirited. They always make me feel sad for him because the other characters seem to do it for absolutely no reason. Maybe that’s what’s supposed to be funny about it, but it’s the one part of the show’s humor I don’t really like.

    • Teressa Caballero

      You sound like you’re the real world version of Jerry

  • MJ

    This is awesome!
    I love all the Jerry jokes.

  • becca

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  • chris perez

    Jerry has the biggest penis a doctor has ever seen

    • Mark

      When the doctor said that, I laughed and wanted to give Jerry a high five at the same time.

      • EK

        Yes, that was seriously awesome!

  • sascha

    I love Jerry!! I love P + R!!!

  • The Truth

    Like P&R, hate the “hating on Jerry” gimmick. It’s so Family Guy (Meg) and a little Office (Toby) . Been there, seen that.

    • ries

      oh, c’mon. if you are looking for originality, then why are you watching a sit-com? the jerry jokes are waaaay better executed than both of those shows.

      • jake

        Agreed! While the premise is unorginal the execution is perfect.

  • E

    I think the Jerry-jokes work because they are balanced with revelations about Jerry’s personal life, which are always positive. He’s an amazing artist, he’s been happily married for 20-some years, and he has a huge penis. So what if he gets some crap at work? It’s not enough to make you pity him, and that’s why it works.

  • Ruben

    I love the Jerry jokes, his reactions are priceless! But they forgot one from The Flu. After they quarantine Leslie to her office…

    JERRY: You can’t come in here. Leslie, you look tired and you’re all sweaty.

    LESLIE: YOU look tired and YOU’RE all sweaty all the time, what’s your excuse? You wanna go there Jerry?

    JERRY: No.

  • christie

    Parks & Rec is one of the few shows that has an entire cast where I love something about each and every character on the show and get a laugh or a chuckle from nearly everyone each show. But, Donna (and her unholy love for her Mercedes and Jerry’s suffering and hidden talents are gems of the show.

  • Swarmer Termites

    Just wanted to tell you Altogether you have a very tops blog. Thank you heaps.

  • Cat Photos

    I appreciate everything you people are doing. Such imaginative efforts and writing! Keep up all the excellent work guys. I have inserted you to my own blogroll. I really believe it is going to raise the value of my place. Thank you very much for sharing.

  • jean

    Wasn’t it revealed during Leslie’s disciplinary hearing the Jerry’s real name is Gerry? I think it was on his ID badge from when he first started at the Parks Dept. It was mispronounced once and he never corrected it

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