Today in “Things I Thought We Wouldn’t Be Discussing”: Ben Affleck’s genitals.
Let’s back up: At the Producers Guild Awards Sunday, Chuck Lorre made a joke about Ben Affleck. “In accepting a career achievement kudo from the PGA, Lorre confessed that when he found himself standing next to Affleck at a urinal, he scoped out the size of the actor-director’s penis, [and] assured the crowd that Affleck is sufficiently endowed to take on the role of the Dark Knight,” according to Variety.
Generating a fair amount of laughs in Hollywood, Lorre is now walking back from his silly story. (For the record, as this video shows, Affleck was amused. “I’m often confused with Matt Damon, not Michael Fassbender, so it was a nice change,” he quipped.) Last night’s vanity card during Moms was a message from Lorre addressing the controversy. While noting the joke worked in the venue told, it “got way too much traction afterward,” making him feel the need to say something.
Read the full vanity card — courtesy of ChuckLorre.com — below:
“Not that it really matters, but the joke I made at the Producers Guild Awards regarding Ben Affleck’s genitals being of sufficient size to fill the caped crusader’s codpiece was just that, a joke. I’ve never met Mr. Affleck in or out of a men’s room. Nor am I in the habit of peeking at another guy’s junk while standing at a urinal. (I mostly stare at the tiles and worry that the invisible auto-flush light beam is secretly cooking my internal organs.) I just wanted to open my speech with a cheap laugh about the Golden Globes. To be completely honest, the original version of the joke had me peeing next to and peeking at Martin Scorsese — who was, at best, a grower not a show-er. I cut it, wisely I thought, because it felt unfair to “belittle” a giant of cinema, even if I had issues with “Hugo.” I then considered telling the same joke with Harvey Weinstein as the celebrity at the neighboring stall, but cut that as well because I worried that he might be able to have me hurt. It was only when I thought of Mr. Affleck that it finally hit me. If I’m going to make up stuff about another man’s penis, why not go positive? Embellish his endowment if you will. It’s still funny. And it also allowed me to work in the Comic-Con Batman angle. Win-win right? Wrong. While the joke did score at the PGA event, it got way too much traction afterward. Which is why I now feel the need to set the record straight. You want to know if Affleck is man enough to be Bruce Wayne? Ask his wife. Or, if you’re feeling man enough, rent “Daredevil.” On Blu-ray.”
Now you know.